The Stress Response and Building Trust

I recently acquired a stray mother cat and her 5 kittens. It was an adventure I had always dreamed of having; Being able to witness the mother caring for, feeding, and loving on her babies. As usual, it was definitely more of an undertaking than I realized. The feral mother was so scared and protective of her kittens and the kittens were even more afraid of me than the mother. It got me thinking about the natural process within us all, humans and animals alike. The stress response.

I often talk with clients about our natural stress response and how our brain is “always working for us not against us.” It often does not feel like our brain is working for us and our brain is always doing exactly what it knows based on many factors. The stress response is our fight, flight, freeze, submit or fawn response. When our brain interprets danger, physical or emotional danger, it jumps into action to keep us safe and alive. I noticed this exact same process in the mother cat and kittens that I had acquired.

The responses are fairly simple to understand, but often times can be more confusing and intricate to notice in our own daily life. When our brain perceives a threat, it will jump into either fighting off the danger, freezing in hopes of not being noticed, fleeing from the dangerous situation, submitting to what is being asked, or working to appease and please the threat.

The baby kittens and mother cat all had their own unique responses to being newly captured by a seemingly dangerous being. Some of the kittens ran full force and hid to avoid being caught. Others hissed, swatted their paws, and even attempted to bite me as we tried to catch them. The mother cat often did multiple things in attempts to protect her kittens. She would hiss, run away, and send the sweetest meows and noises to her kittens to let them know danger was near.

What I have loved the most is witnessing the mother cat and her babies slowly begin to build trust and comfortability with myself and other humans. While their defense mechanisms often still come into play, they are much less frequent and more comfortable with coming closer to humans. Their brains are learning that the once dangerous unknown beings are actually safe and providing shelter, food and water. Trust is being built over time.

This is the same for humans. Our brains are always working to keep us safe and protected and our brains are malleable and able to change. Initially, our brains might perceive as danger and respond accordingly, but over time if trustworthiness has been shown, our brains will adapt and allow our stress response to lessen.

Trust takes time. Sometimes a long time. Longer than I had hoped for when I first started the kitten endeavor. I always try to trust my own brain, my clients’ brains, and those of any species to respond accordingly based on one’s experiences or lack thereof. Be patient with yourself and with others. Try using a sense of curiosity and self-compassion to understand why you are feeling or responding in a certain way. We are all working to understand the world around us and our brain is working just as hard.

With Love,

Chelsea Smith, LCSW